I’m a little disappointed, it feels like one step forward and two steps back.
I had been feeling quite well the day before, home with the children with relatively low pain and fatigue levels. I had had a busy morning ferrying the children around and then getting the baby to sleep.
All of a sudden my fatigue levels spiked, I was unable to stay up and all I could do was lie on my side in bed and breathe and try not to vomit. I was too tired to listen to my meditation (too tired to listen!) After 45 minutes my head was clear enough to get up and take a bath and smear lavender oil on my feet. When the baby woke I was only well enough to lie in the floor while he played.
When this happens, not only am I feeling the symptoms, but I’m feeling the grief and the guilt. I think ahead to all the things I need to do but now worry I can’t do. I think of the burden on my husband trying to earn all the money and help so much with the kids and the house. I think why it is not fair. I have been doing All The Things, everything I can think of to be well. So just feel like this is a slap in the face and a reminder that no matter what I do I still have Fibromyalgia.
I’m taking the Low Dose Naltrexone, going to bed as soon as I can, sleeping as well as I can, pacing as best as I can, taking MSM, doing gentle yoga and stretches, trying to get to the physio (no easy feat to sync her schedule with my childcare opportunities). I’m relentlessly optimistic about my wellness. And here I sit.
I know I’m lucky that my weary legs can carry me up and down the stairs to my baby’s room. That I have a car to get around (because I’d never get anywhere by public transport with two children). That my husband looks after us. I have done so well and experience so much joy as a result of the hard work I’ve put in. But sometimes it’s just a rough day with Fibromyalgia.