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So Much Has Happened!

The last week and a half have been massive! I was awed by seeing my baby by my 12 week scan on the Thursday before last. Then on the Saturday, as a birthday present from my love, we went over to Kawau Island (off Matakana, North of New Zealand). The water was deliciously blue as we were shown around the edges of the island by boat, before being dropped off by the Governor’s Mansion.

We walked through a track in forest land to a remote beach…where my love proposed!

It was the most beautiful, romantic proposal I could have imagined. I was blown away. Of course, I said yes!

We then spent the week touring the upper parts of the North Island, as I had never been past Matakana previously. It was beautiful. A whole week, mostly alone with my love, to be calm and just enjoy. We experienced the richness of New Zealand’s history in Russell, at Waitangi and in various historical properties around the areas we traveled.

In the middle of our trip, the pregnancy clock ticked over to 13 weeks. Over the past week, I have noticed an improvement in my fatigue. I am still tired, but then I have chronic fatigue so that’s usual, but I am no longer desperately tired from the moment I wake. I no longer crave a nap at 10am or in the afternoon. I am back to afternoon rests (with a book or an episode of a TV series) and I can read before bedtime again! My eating has also settled down. I am still hungry regularly, but I am closer to my usual eating habits, which is great as I have put on a bit too much weight with the fatigue, pain and nausea.

So it is all very exciting!

12 Weeks & a Beautiful Baby

My tiny baby is gorgeous! I saw baby in my 12 weeks scan today. It was a very moving experience. Baby is healthy and on track for growth. He/she was sleeping when we began with a little hand raised above their head. Once he/she had been prodded a bit we got to see some movement. It was surreal to see baby moving, but not be able to feel it. It was truly a wonderful experience.

Unfortunately, due to the clinic cancelling my scan at the last minute two days ago and having to take the only time available (midday) this week, my partner couldn’t attend. This is very sad because, as a dad it is one of the few times he can really be involved at this stage. But we have a picture:

Now that I am at week 12, I feel like I can finally buy stuff. I have already researched all of the big, essential items and there are big differences in price! In an online store there are cots with mattresses for around $200, in a store the other day the prices seemed to start at $500 for just the cot! So I have to be wise and check the price (and quality)!

We have decided to go with a convertible car seat, rather than an infant capsule, because it will last the baby’s whole career in a car seat and then be useful for any future babies, it is a worthy investment. Also, having the noodle arms that I have, carrying the infant capsules is rather difficult for me!

As we leave the first trimester, and come into the second, I am hoping the fatigue will recede a little and that the hunger will abate to a more manageable level. As it is I can only fit one pair of my pants!

This is a pregnancy diary from my first pregnancy in 2013/14. For my most recent pregnancy diaries and my pregnancy resources see here.

Emotions and Mood

I have always prided myself on my effort to keep a level head, despite extreme fatigue and pain and the associated barrage of emotions that come from dealing with that.

But at the moment, I am a mess! I can get really sad, for no real reason and I can’t bring my head into it to tell myself it is just a moment and it will pass.

I prefer to be positive, especially when talking about my fibro/chronic fatigue. Positive but real. My neck has really amped it up, the pain levels have hovered around 5-6/10 almost every day. Sometimes they shoot up to 7-8/10 and only being allowed Panadol is really hard!

In just four days I get my first week-long holiday since Christmas last year! So I am counting down!

Post-Exertion Wipe Out

This is an old post on the post-exertion malaise I experienced in early pregnancy, when I wrote diary-like entries during my first pregnancy. I found myself alone with not even doctors who understood what might happen to me. One doctor suggested I ought to be feeling better (which I most certainly was not) but what an odd, uninformed thing to say! For the most recent pregnancy diaries from pregnancy number two and three see my Pregnancy and Fibromyalgia resources page

post exertion wipe out: pregnancy and fibromyalgia

Diary entry

With the high levels of fatigue and struggle to sleep, my body is struggling a little. I have found that post-exertion I am wiped out. Walking up the stairs can leave me a little breathless. But my 25-30 minute walk with the dog can leave me flat for a good half an hour. 

I was finding the level of fatigue after yoga or Pilates unbearable, which is why I have done neither in a few weeks. I was feeling wiped, to the point of feeling faint, so I’ve had no inclination to force myself again yet.

However, I want to try to do a gentle session of Pilates tomorrow, to get back into it again. I want to reclaim my little schedule as soon as possible. I am determined to help my body prepare for the endurance race ahead, with pregnancy, labour and then caring for a tiny baby.

Meanwhile, I am so pleased it is time for another weekend. Tonight my love is coming over for the evening. Tomorrow I shall meet a friend, do some exercise and otherwise potter around home. On Sunday we are going back down to the little town we have found for another round of house hunting. This time we are taking my mother, so she feels included and realises it is not so far.

Feeling so blessed to have my mother onside. She came with me as I met my midwife for the first time today and she is already talking about the things to buy me for when I get bigger (thanks, but I’d like not to think about that for a while yet)!

Articles for you

Pregnancy Diaries 2018: The First Trimester of Pregnancy with Fibromyalgia

Pregnancy and Fibromyalgia: An Interview with Doctor Ginevra Liptan Fibromyalgia Specialist

Things to Consider Pre Pregnancy with Fibromyalgia, Chronic Pain, Chronic Fatigue

The Paced Guide to Cleaning: AKA Cleaning With a Chronic Illness

Fatigue and Energy in Fibromyalgia -Fibromyalgia Framework Series Part Seven

If you wanted a good explanation of post-exertion malaise you may like this article.

Are you new here?

Hi! I am Melissa, a mama who has had fibromyalgia throughout all three pregnancies. I have worked hard for the past several years to compile the information that I wish existed back in my first pregnancy when I could find nothing. Checkout the Pregnancy and Fibromyalgia Resources page here.

Week Ten, Blessed

We now have a fetus, rather than an embryo! It is very exciting to be past the critical development phase. Now that we are on the downward slide to 12 weeks and our next scan, I am getting excited to tell people and to start buying the many things we need.

I really hope the fatigue will drop off enough to allow me to do some gentle Pilates again. My neck is really struggling without it, to the point of keeping me awake and waking me frequently in pain. I am off to the physio today, so I am pleased about that.

It is rather shocking that I have a baby growing inside me. It is something I have always dreamed of and known I’d do, but to actually be pregnant is something else. Despite being earth-shatteringly exhausted, sore and the rest of it, it somehow feels, deep in my core, worth it.

Of course I am nervous about a great many things. Number one is how I am going to manage physically with fibro/chronic fatigue, baby and a job. Though, I do know the number one priority will be baby and then my health, the rest has to fall into line. For now, I have to focus on continuing to grow her/him and keep her/him safe.

 

This is a pregnancy diary from my first pregnancy in 2013/14. For my most recent pregnancy diaries and my pregnancy resources see here.

Fancy Date Night

Last night was fancy date night. A date for just us, out for a nice meal and I dressed up! We went to a fabulous Japanese teppanyaki restaurant, where our food was cooked in front of us by an amazing chef. She flung the utensils in the air with ease and cooked my seafood dish to perfection.

Being a fairly new couple, about to buy a house and have a baby, we still have some things to talk through. Religion has been nutted out fairly hard, I’m starting Catholic conversion classes this week.

We had to talk financials last night and the issue of being unmarried came up again. I know people get divorced everyday, some celebrity marriages survive shorter than my gestation period will, but it makes me feel insecure. Like it’s a box that’s unticked, but a rather important one to me. My partner would like me to be super close with his family and then he would like both of our families to be close. I can’t do much about the family thing as there are just massive differences, they will get along, but they probably won’t share Christmas. I can hang out with his family more, except that he laughed at the fact that I struggle to go over for a 9pm meal and then drive home alone later.

With my fatigue levels at the moment, I wait for bed all day. By 7pm I am exhausted, I don’t enjoy leaving the house. At 9pm I am usually getting ready for bed. If I get home and take my medicine (to help me sleep) at 10pm, I won’t sleep until around 11.30pm, It takes time to kick in. So nights out for parties with his friends, nights out for dinner with his family and fancy date nights, on top of what I’m currently coping with, is a lot.

Is it the same for every partner, do they not get the level of fatigue that early pregnancy generates?

Tiring, Awesome Weekend

Chronic fatigue + pregnancy fatigue = devastating!

We had a very busy weekend. On Friday night my partner and I went to a party and I didn’t sleep until about 2am. On Saturday I took my baby brother out for timezone, lunch and mini-golf. We also had dinner and a movie night with my family.

Sunday was a whopper day. We started with my church (Anglican) and then went about 45 minutes drive away to a gorgeous little town where we are considering buying a house. There is a sizable town center, farmland views, a rugby stadium, a beautiful pond with ducks (near one of the houses), many beautiful reserves and parks, and it is so quiet. Just 45 minutes out of the city, we can get three or four bedrooms with a little bit of land in a nicely presented house.

image

For the same price in the city, we can get two bedrooms, attached houses in dire need of a makeover with little land.

We also did evening mass and dinner with my family.

When I finally did get to bed, I got quite upset, because my neck was so sore I couldn’t get to sleep and panadol does nothing for a bad neck ache!

But the weekend was worth it. I got to spend some time with my gorgeous baby brother (14 years old next month, where did the time go? I remember my parents bringing him home as a brand new baby!).

We were also able to tell my family on Saturday night about baby. They were over the moon. Which was so fantastic! It was such a relief to have people in the know and the support and love. I don’t know how I hid it this long.

My beautiful partner has also started to perk up and get more excited about baby and our big life changes. He also dealt beautifully with my fatigue, needing to eat randomly and pain all weekend.

Thankful

I’m thankful for a beautiful, blue-skied morning, this is the view outside my door:image

I’m also (super) thankful for flexible working conditions.

I’m thankful I have a healthy baby safely nestled inside of me, I just made the appointment to get to see him/her again in three weeks.

I am also thankful for my man, who is struggling with a great many things at the moment, but who is also trying to be a great partner at the same time. (I wonder if there are chemicals bouncing around my body enticing me to love him more, like there are for the baby?? Chemical manipulation! But I feel these things very strongly at the moment!)

Weekend and Mondays

This is an old post when I wrote diary-like entries during my first pregnancy when I found myself alone with not even doctors who understood what might happen to me. One doctor suggested I ought to be feeling better (which I most certainly was not) but what an odd, uninformed thing to say! For the most recent pregnancy diaries from pregnancy number two and three see my Pregnancy and Fibromyalgia resources page

My partner and I got to spend the day together on Saturday, we went to a cousin’s wedding. It was so lovely to have him the whole day and to focus on something else for that time. I just enjoyed his company and seeing all my family. It was the first time for a lot of my extended family meeting him, but it went so well, they all love him! It was a really great break. Unfortunately I did start struggling to stay awake from about 7pm!

I am finding night times really difficult, even before pregnancy, staying out late was not helpful. Now I find it near impossible. But my partner and his family and friends all eat around the time I go to bed, so in order to socialise with them I have to eat super late and try my best to stay awake after that. How many times can one say no to socialising with a (relatively new) partner’s friends and family?! Is it worse to go and then look exhausted (for no apparent reason, to them)? I don’t know the answer to this, but I am going to try this Friday night, for his sake.

We have daylight savings in this part of the world, so on Saturday night we put the clocks back an hour. My body is so confused! Last night I slept from 10pm – 8am and I didn’t want to get up, I have been up for a few hours and really don’t want to be! I am counting down the four weeks until this fatigue should start to recede.

Another milestone I am waiting for, with no defined deadline, is when my partner and I can stop freaking out about finances, how our families will react to our news and his potential redundancy. I would adore the time of no holds barred excitement for this miracle we have created.

Some Curiosities

This is an old post when I wrote diary-like entries during my first pregnancy when I found myself alone with not even doctors who understood what might happen to me. One doctor suggested I ought to be feeling better (which I most certainly was not) but what an odd, uninformed thing to say! For the most recent pregnancy diaries from pregnancy number two and three see my Pregnancy and Fibromyalgia resources page

As someone who has struggled with pain and fatigue for a while now, I am rather in tune with my body, so I’m super aware of what is happening and changing right now.

Yes, the fatigue is the biggest thing – I was in bed from 9.30pm – 8am this morning (not sleeping the whole time between my bladder, neck and dog) but I still didn’t want to get up. But I have been having the most odd, most vivid dreams ever. They are so strange!

My breasts are always uncomfortable and my neck has been causing some trouble. My lower back and abdomen seem to be working overtime and my stomach is almost always bloated. It is all manageable, except when I feel all of these things all at once, then I just want to curl up in the corner and sleep the next several months away! I think it would help to have someone to share these things with.

In my quest to feel normal this morning, I got myself a nice hot vanilla “latte” from Muffin Break to sit at my desk with and (do my best to) work. The only change from “normal” is that it has to be accompanied by my Shapes. Shapes are my new go-to when I need food in my stomach quickly.

Fuel has always been an issue for me, but it has become a curious issue recently. I have gone off my old favourites, fruit and vegetables, and I need carbs every two hours. My stomach is unforgiving if I don’t eat very regularly.

I also can’t stop thinking about baby. Despite it all, I am so curious to see and touch her/him. I am also very curious about what is happening to both of us right now and will come in the next few months. But all my research has to be done in secret, which makes it less fun. My only book, What to Expect When You’re Expecting, is hidden in a brown paper bag in my wardrobe! It’s like my own precious little secret 🙂