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Thankful

I’m thankful for a beautiful, blue-skied morning, this is the view outside my door:image

I’m also (super) thankful for flexible working conditions.

I’m thankful I have a healthy baby safely nestled inside of me, I just made the appointment to get to see him/her again in three weeks.

I am also thankful for my man, who is struggling with a great many things at the moment, but who is also trying to be a great partner at the same time. (I wonder if there are chemicals bouncing around my body enticing me to love him more, like there are for the baby?? Chemical manipulation! But I feel these things very strongly at the moment!)

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Weekend and Mondays

This is an old post when I wrote diary-like entries during my first pregnancy when I found myself alone with not even doctors who understood what might happen to me. One doctor suggested I ought to be feeling better (which I most certainly was not) but what an odd, uninformed thing to say! For the most recent pregnancy diaries from pregnancy number two and three see my Pregnancy and Fibromyalgia resources page

My partner and I got to spend the day together on Saturday, we went to a cousin’s wedding. It was so lovely to have him the whole day and to focus on something else for that time. I just enjoyed his company and seeing all my family. It was the first time for a lot of my extended family meeting him, but it went so well, they all love him! It was a really great break. Unfortunately I did start struggling to stay awake from about 7pm!

I am finding night times really difficult, even before pregnancy, staying out late was not helpful. Now I find it near impossible. But my partner and his family and friends all eat around the time I go to bed, so in order to socialise with them I have to eat super late and try my best to stay awake after that. How many times can one say no to socialising with a (relatively new) partner’s friends and family?! Is it worse to go and then look exhausted (for no apparent reason, to them)? I don’t know the answer to this, but I am going to try this Friday night, for his sake.

We have daylight savings in this part of the world, so on Saturday night we put the clocks back an hour. My body is so confused! Last night I slept from 10pm – 8am and I didn’t want to get up, I have been up for a few hours and really don’t want to be! I am counting down the four weeks until this fatigue should start to recede.

Another milestone I am waiting for, with no defined deadline, is when my partner and I can stop freaking out about finances, how our families will react to our news and his potential redundancy. I would adore the time of no holds barred excitement for this miracle we have created.

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Some Curiosities

This is an old post when I wrote diary-like entries during my first pregnancy when I found myself alone with not even doctors who understood what might happen to me. One doctor suggested I ought to be feeling better (which I most certainly was not) but what an odd, uninformed thing to say! For the most recent pregnancy diaries from pregnancy number two and three see my Pregnancy and Fibromyalgia resources page

As someone who has struggled with pain and fatigue for a while now, I am rather in tune with my body, so I’m super aware of what is happening and changing right now.

Yes, the fatigue is the biggest thing – I was in bed from 9.30pm – 8am this morning (not sleeping the whole time between my bladder, neck and dog) but I still didn’t want to get up. But I have been having the most odd, most vivid dreams ever. They are so strange!

My breasts are always uncomfortable and my neck has been causing some trouble. My lower back and abdomen seem to be working overtime and my stomach is almost always bloated. It is all manageable, except when I feel all of these things all at once, then I just want to curl up in the corner and sleep the next several months away! I think it would help to have someone to share these things with.

In my quest to feel normal this morning, I got myself a nice hot vanilla “latte” from Muffin Break to sit at my desk with and (do my best to) work. The only change from “normal” is that it has to be accompanied by my Shapes. Shapes are my new go-to when I need food in my stomach quickly.

Fuel has always been an issue for me, but it has become a curious issue recently. I have gone off my old favourites, fruit and vegetables, and I need carbs every two hours. My stomach is unforgiving if I don’t eat very regularly.

I also can’t stop thinking about baby. Despite it all, I am so curious to see and touch her/him. I am also very curious about what is happening to both of us right now and will come in the next few months. But all my research has to be done in secret, which makes it less fun. My only book, What to Expect When You’re Expecting, is hidden in a brown paper bag in my wardrobe! It’s like my own precious little secret 🙂

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Pregnancy, the First Eight Weeks

This is an old post when I wrote diary-like entries during my first pregnancy when I found myself alone with not even doctors who understood what might happen to me. One doctor suggested I ought to be feeling better (which I most certainly was not) but what an odd, uninformed thing to say! For the most recent pregnancy diaries from pregnancy number two and three see my Pregnancy and Fibromyalgia resources page

The first eight weeks can only be referred to as epic. The first four weeks were spent entirely in the dark, the fifth was the week I suspected and then confirmed it. Weeks six, seven and eight were characterised by strong emotions, strong fatigue and strong nausea. It was hard.

We weren’t expecting it, so there was a lot to negotiate there, dreams for the next year or so to let go of. New visions to reorient ourselves to. In amongst this is a persistent fear about the high chance of my partner being made redundant next July.
On top of all this, I have fibromyalgia and chronic fatigue. So I have a real anxiety around how I am going to cope in the last stages of pregnancy and when I have produced the child. For the first three months we will have maternity leave, so we will be paid nearly three-quarters of my earnings.
But after that it gets tricky.
I am going to have to try to keep this child alive, keep myself healthy and work at least 20 hours, if not 25, in order to keep our young family fed. This is without childcare. So, instead of napping when baby does, I will have to be working, or cleaning.
As far as the nausea of the first eight weeks, I managed to tackle that with a set of three special acupuncture treatments with my physiotherapist. It cost a bit of money and the points for treatment were rather painful for me, but it was worth all of it. Now, if I manage the fatigue (sleeping as much as possible between 9.30pm – 7.30am and resting in the afternoon), my neck pain and keep my stomach fed every two hours, I can avoid the extreme ill feeling.
I am now counting down the four weeks until the second trimester. I imagine the joy of being “my old self”. So, I’ll still be tired, but not as profoundly. Unfortunately, with the relative safety of the second trimester, the time will come to tell our family.
While having managed to continue to walk my dog most days, I haven’t had the energy to do my pilates or yoga, so I am also looking forward to being able to add that back into my schedule.
I am also looking forward to when I can share my news with people. Despite everything surrounding this pregnancy, the pain, fatigue, nausea, life-change and anxiety, I want to claim this pregnancy as what it is – one of the best occurrences in a woman’s life. My partner and I have created a life. I want to celebrate that. I want to celebrate baby when she/he arrives.
This is a pregnancy diary from my first pregnancy in 2013/14. For my most recent pregnancy diaries and my pregnancy resources see here.
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It’s a Boy! 19 Weeks

This is an old post when I wrote diary-like entries during my first pregnancy when I found myself alone with not even doctors who understood what might happen to me. One doctor suggested I ought to be feeling better (which I most certainly was not) but what an odd, uninformed thing to say! For the most recent pregnancy diaries from pregnancy number two and three see my Pregnancy and Fibromyalgia resources page

I fell down (not literally).

One Sunday morning, a few weeks ago, I woke up to pain in my left side and lower back. As the day wore on it became intense. In tears, on the phone to my midwife, I was told it was probably a pulled muscle. I took a Codeine and lay on the couch, vaguely watching TV.

After a painful physio visit the next afternoon, it was confirmed, I had pulled muscles in my lower back and left hip, which in turn had tripped my very tight glute muscles.

Since then, I have recovered slowly, but in dealing with the extra pain and resulting fatigue, I have fallen down. I haven’t been coping. Between the pregnancy and those injuries, sleeping is very difficult. I can only walk the dog for around 15-25 minutes at a time and have had to give up my mat Pilates routine.

In addition to this, I have been planning my wedding, for February 2014. So I am planning a wedding, working, gestating, attempting to be healthy and am desperately, soul-achingly exhausted – and no one seems to get it.

Meanwhile, my baby has been growing furiously! I felt my little flutter ball the other day for the first time and then saw him yesterday in the anatomy scan.

Yes, we have been blessed with a baby boy! Feeling and seeing him makes it feel worth it! It is so amazing. I can’t wait to meet him.


This is a pregnancy diary from my first pregnancy in 2013/14. For my most recent pregnancy diaries and my pregnancy resources see here.