Naming It

The sad truth of having fibromyalgia is that another health burden can throw you off.

Intestinal Candidasis is wreaking havoc in my life right now. Months of infection after infection and super bloated tummy and extra fatigue.

I’m on prescription antifungals and probiotics. I’m not eating gluten, I’ve reduced dairy and sugar.

Still I’m struggling. I’m back on regular pain killers and waiting for bed all day.

So when changes come I freak out. My husband taking on an extra shift this weekend nearly made me bawl my eyes out. I’d been waiting for the weekend!

I have been offered a job opportunity that I should be chuffed about, instead I am scared. My boy is busy! I’ll be going back to rushing us ready, getting him to care and me to work (feeling over the day before I even start working). And then dealing with my boy in the troublesome 4-7pm timeslot. Presumably I’ll need to resume going to bed by 9 and feeling awful and waking (more) frequently due to the neck pain. Yet I can’t not work and I may as well try something I will enjoy.

Today I am naming it. Today I am sad that my fibromyalgia limits me, that it makes me scared of a good job opportunity, that it makes life so damn hard. I am also naming my frustration with comparisons to all the other working mamas, I have some extra burdens. (And just because a great many people deal with the same thing, doesn’t make it any less real or hard for any individual.)

So I’m going to be gentle with myself. Hope will return to the usual abundant levels. My bubbly nature will peek back through the fatigue cloud.

Experiment and Hope

I’m trying something new.

I’ve finally visited a naturopath. She’s taken a hair sample and given me some tonics (magnesium, iron and calcium in easily digestible forms) to take while we await the test results.

With the combination of the tonics and avoiding any foods that are concluded as allergens for me in the tests, I should be pain-free. At least, that’s the naturopath’s aim.

I am torn. My hope levels have skyrocketed. I have already imagined not having a stiff, aching neck every day, all day. Not having such an elevated pain response to exercise. Not having such bad period pain. Maybe, not even such a hard time if I were to have another baby.

A reduction in the soul-aching fatigue would be phenomenonal. The eradication of it would be a miracle.

But, hold on! I have to remind myself not to get carried away.

My little heart’s already involved.

So I’m doing my best to help myself along. I’m increasing the good foods, decreasing the bad foods, researching anything else I can do to be well and basically trying to be a health-freak.

I want this.

To be better. Even if I have to accept just an improvement.

The list of things I would do is already composed. I need to get there.

We’ll see how it goes.